Wednesday, February 09, 2005

The Declaration of Independence (From IE)

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the digital bands which have connected them to one another, and to assume, among the powers of the internet, the separate and equal station to which the laws of computers entitles them, a decent respect to the security of their browser requires that they should declare the causes which impel to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all users were created equal; that they are endowed by their designers with certain inalienable rights; that among these are security, equality, and the pursuit of information. That, to secure these rights, programmers are instituted among the users, deriving their just powers from the consent of the users; that, whenever any form of browser becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the users to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new browser, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its code in such form as to them shall seem most likely security and efficiency. Security, indeed, will dictate that browsers long established should not be changed for light or transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that the users are more disposed to suffer while viruses are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such a browser, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of the users; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former browser. The history of the present Internet Explorer is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over this internet. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

  • It has given no virus or spyware protection to the users on which it depends.
  • It has displayed no chance for open manipulation for the greater good of the public and itself.
  • It has become so corrupt as to give away its users’ information to the common criminal.
  • It has coding so archaic so as to lead to a hole to be found almost daily.
  • It has given no java scripting console to those who need it to aid themselves and their community.
  • It has no tabs with which to browser more quickly and efficiently.
  • It has no skins or extensions with which to better the experience of find information, as well as entertainment.
  • It has no sense of the separation of OS and browser, thereby degradating further our liberties of privacy and solitude.
  • It has allowed pop-ups to bog down our bandwidth, with only solutions intended to placate the users.
  • It has arrogantly defied international standards of this great Internet, aggreed upon with much tumoil.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms; our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A browser whose coding and interface is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant is unfit to be the browser of a free people.

We have warned them, form time to time, of attempts by their programmers to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native and magnanimity; and we have conjured them to disavow these usurpations. They have been deaf to the voice of justice and consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity which denounces our separation, and hold them as we hold the rest of the users.

We, therefore, the representatives of Firefox, in the general community assembled, appealing to the users of Internet Explorer for rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name and by the authority of the good users of this internet, solemnly publish and declare, that these users, and of right ought to be, totally dissolved; and that, as free and independent users; that they are absolved from all allegiance to Internet Explorer, and that all digital connection between them and Internet Explorer is, and ought to be, totally dissolved; and that, as free and independent users we have the right to acts and things which independent users may of the right to do. And, for support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protections of the users, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.


8 Comments:

Blogger asdf said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:06 PM  
Blogger Kristof said...

Then download Firefox you fool!!!

3:19 PM  
Blogger asdf said...

My mom won't let me <:(

4:34 AM  
Blogger Kristof said...

First of all, Firefox is healthier for your comp than IE. It's not like you can't use IE any more once you install it. Besides, you can just disguise it (as in - give it the IE icon and name the icon Internet Explorer and she'll be none the wiser!!)

1:52 PM  
Blogger asdf said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:16 PM  
Blogger Kristof said...

Now all you need to do is download Hello

4:31 PM  
Blogger asdf said...

I already have :)

4:43 PM  
Blogger Kristof said...

What's your username?

6:17 PM  

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